how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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