I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
