How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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