What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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