dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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