Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
