true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
