if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
