epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
