I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
