Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Found your dick twin last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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