Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
