You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
