made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i now understand why vodka
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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