Pappa wants mamma naked
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
