pop tarts are not kleenex
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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