I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
