How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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