How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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