We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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