when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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