I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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