Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
