Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize