You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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