Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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