she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
