your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
