none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
