was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
