i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
