You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
