He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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