Whod you bang
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This house was built for laser tag.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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