Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
