I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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