if i can run in heels then i can drive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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