Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
