I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
