I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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