Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
