My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
