I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
