If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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