please come you make the beer taste better
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
