I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
