i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
