he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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