direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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