It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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