Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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