I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
