if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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