im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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