I'm going to jail i love you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
