Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
