dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
