I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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