her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
