I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
