Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
