what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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