Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
