in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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