I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
