I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
