That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
