wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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