She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
