another moral hangover. fuck.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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