well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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