Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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