You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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