I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
