She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
