I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I want to be your penis for a week.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
