He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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