I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
