i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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